The difference between worry and planning

Worry feels like planning. It uses the same words, happens in the same part of your head, even involves the same to-do list. But the two do very different things to your body.

Here is the rough test I use in my own head, and the one I offer to clients who wake up at 3am and can't tell if they're being useful or being eaten alive: planning makes decisions smaller. Worry makes them bigger.

If, after ten minutes of turning something over, you have a next action. A phone call to make, a date to set, an email to draft. You were planning. If you've covered the same ground three times and it now feels worse, you were worrying.

What to do in the moment

When you catch yourself, don't try to stop worrying. Try to either finish the plan, or close the loop. Most worry that lives in your body needs a destination, even a tiny one. A sticky note that says ‘Tuesday, ask GP about referral’ will quiet it faster than ten more spirals.

And when you can't close the loop. When the thing genuinely cannot be solved tonight. The job is to put it down, not to think harder. We don't earn rest by finishing the worry.

(continues for 6 minutes)